December 2006

The Art of Giving:
Learning the tools of the craft

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How is it that some people in your life always give you the most perfect gifts. . . while others consistently give you items so wrong that you are left wondering not only how you can gracefully dispose of the item, but how this person could possibly have thought this would be the right gift for you?! Yes, giving is truly an art. And in relationships, it’s not only an art – but a barometer that can actually measure the temperature of your holiday love. A kitchen appliance that she never hoped to find under the tree? Think Arctic icebergs. Those new golf clubs that he’s been dreaming of for over a year? It's about to feel like Jamaica in July.

While some are naturally talented at gift giving, others have to work at it. The good news, though, is that with a few simple tools we can all bask in the warmth of our relationships this holiday season.

Here are some tips to help you master the art of giving to your loved one:

1. Understand who you are giving to. Put aside your own tastes and desires. Hone in, instead, on what is important to your partner. Does she like to feel pampered? Does he appreciate sexy gifts? Does your partner like gifts that spark that romance in your relationship? Maybe your loved one likes to travel, play golf, or is an avid reader. Knowing who this other person is and what is important to them is the first place to start in giving the perfect gift.
   
   
2. Identify how you want your partner to feel when receiving the gift. Do you want your partner to laugh? Feel close to you? Feel moved? Maybe your loved one is trying to lose weight and you want to offer your support by giving a gift that will make them feel sexy and attractive? Or maybe your partner has a new job and the perfect gift is something that makes them feel confident and capable? Remember that feelings are a great gift guide.
   
   
3. Be creative and think outside the gift-giving box. Sometimes the best gifts are an experience rather than a thing. A gift doesn’t always have to be wrapped up in a pretty box. Instead it could be giving your partner time to themselves or special time with you. It could be a day off from tending to the children, a weekend of sleeping in and breakfast in bed or a night for you both at a nearby retreat.
   
   
4. It’s OK to ask. We all imagine that the element of surprise will help our holiday season look like the De Beers commercials – Christmas morning, fireplace glowing, tree sparkling, and an ecstatic woman opening a velvet case containing a diamond necklace. The problem is, of course, that in real life (i.e. when there are no actors involved), even if it’s a diamond necklace, will the pleasure of surprise outweigh the disappointment of getting it wrong? Does she want round stones or emerald cut? Platinum or white gold? Are you sure? It’s not only OK to check out your ideas ahead of time, but asking your partner for some help is often the best way to really ensure you will be pleasing them with your gift. And if the surprise is also important, get creative with that, too. Friends and family are usually not only willing, but excited to help with covert information gathering.
   
   
5. Don’t worry about it. No matter how hard we try or how many questions we ask, however, sometimes we’re not going to get it right. It’s often hard to tell who is more disappointed – the gift receiver who is looking oddly at the bright orange sweater in the box. . . or the gift giver who was positive that this what she had admired when you were shopping together. But if you can move past the disappointment, laugh about it together, and to find new and creative ways to avoid such mistakes in the future you will find that the holidays will be wonderful – regardless of the orange sweaters. (Keep in mind that if the element of surprise is very important to you and/or your loved one you will want to make sure that the store – and your feelings – will accommodate exchanges.)

The holidays are supposed to be fun filled and relaxing. All too often these days we hear people complaining about the added pressures this season brings. Hopefully you will find ways to ensure that your relationship doesn’t add to the holiday stressors but allows time for both of you to enjoy each other and celebrate your love.

Best wishes and happy holidays to you all!

With Best Wishes,
The Talk Works Staff

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