December 2004

The Pot of Gold
On the Other Side of Change

"We need to come in and see you again," Deborah said. She explained, "Your program completely changed our relationship and we've been so happy together. But now we're starting to have the same problems again and we need more sessions." "Well," I responded, "clients are always welcome to come back in, but let me ask you a few questions first. Are you and Tom still using the "Productive Conflict" tools?" "Sometimes," she said. "Are you and Tom still practicing your new communication skills?" "Umm. . .mostly," Deborah replied. "And are you still setting time aside to work on each other's Instruction Manuals and on the Nurturing Your Relationship tools?" There was a long pause before Deborah said, "Let me call you back next month."

Even when we know the end result will be positive, changing our behaviors is never an easy feat. As January approaches, many of us enthusiastically establish New Year's Resolutions that we may work on for a few weeks or even a few months before abandoning them out of frustration, boredom, or apathy. As our Talk Works clients know, change takes time, work, and commitment. It doesn't happen overnight, nor does it happen just because you want it to.

Here are some tips to help you understand what it takes to actually make changes in your life. These tools will help you stay focused and motivated so that you can begin to realize your dreams in 2005!

1. Focus CLEARLY on the end result. Visualize it - how will it feel, what will it look like, how will your life be different/better when this change occurs? Some people find it helpful to write this out in a journal. Write about your life, or a particular scenario or situation as if the change has already occurred. Be very specific and descriptive! Get in touch with how you will feel when this change occurs.
2. Do something every day that will move you toward your desired goal. Record what you did in a notebook, or your calendar. Do this EVERY DAY!
3. Set markers for accomplishing your goals, and WRITE THEM DOWN. Each week or month, define a marker that will tell you that you are moving closer to accomplishing your desired change.
4. KNOW that you will make this change happen. Do not define obstacles or setbacks as signs that you will not succeed. Instead define them as lessons to be learned in order to reach your goal.
5. Celebrate when you reach your markers and your final goal! We mean it - plan a special celebration to honor your work and your accomplishment! If you set these rewards up for yourself ahead of time they will also serve as additional motivation along the way.

Chellie Campbell, author of The Wealthy Spirit, teaches that, "Life, excitement, drama, experience, learning, and love are on the other side of change." And we hope you find your dreams on the other side as well.

All of us at Talk Works wish you a wonderful holiday season and a joyous New Year!

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