October 2005

Don't Be Afraid Of Fear

Unlike our childhood tendencies to gleefully seek out scary experiences - finding a Halloween haunted house, walking through a moonlit cemetery or riding on a roller coaster - as adults we often avoid that which is scary. Instead, we allow our fears to keep us from having that difficult conversation with our co-worker, opening up and revealing our feelings to a new love, saying "I'm mad" to our spouse who hurt us, or making a decision to take a risk with our life or career. When did we start avoiding fear? At what age did we begin using fear to avoid living our life to the fullest?

In this month that celebrates what is "scary," we encourage you to tackle those things that feel most frightening to you! Whether it's a difficult conversation with your loved one, leaving a lackluster job to return to school or change your career path, or making that dream move to another part of the world - it's time. Acknowledge your fear - and then move forward anyway.

Easier said than done, right? So, how do you push through the fear to get to the passion, freedom, power and excitement that await you on the other side?

1. It's time to get really honest with yourself. Make a list of those "I wish" thoughts that you're not moving forward with.
2. Identify your "darkest fear" or "worst case scenario" outcome: what is the absolute worst thing that could happen if you do this thing you're scared of? Once you identify this, ask yourself the following questions: If this outcome occurs, can I live with it? How realistic is this outcome, anyway? (Frequently our worst case scenarios are pretty unrealistic!)
3. Next, imagine what would happen if you didn't push through this fear. What would your life/career/relationship look like if you allowed yourself to remain paralyzed?
4. Now clarify what the benefits will be when you have accomplished the item(s) onthis list. Really stay focused on the positive outcome and allow yourself to imagine all the wonderful details of what that fantastic new job/home/intimate relationship will look like.
5. Finally - and of course Talk Works is going to recommend this! - communicate. Talk about your fears and you will be amazed at how quickly they lose their power. Scared to make that big change in your life? A close friend will likely be the first person to reassure you that your "worse case scenario" fear is ridiculous! If what scares you the most is opening up to your spouse about your hurt feelings, preface the conversation with, "I want to talk about something with you but am feeling really afraid that -- ."

Your willingness to embrace life rather than hide from it - and open communication with yourself and others - will lead you to your dreams.

Happy Halloween and best wishes for living a life unobstructed by fear!

Sincerely,

The Talk Works Staff

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