May 2005

Father Knows Best:
We're Still Learning From Dad!

Father's Day has always gotten a bum rap, being sandwiched between Memorial Day and July 4th and taking place after most schools are out, so that the kids aren't encouraged to make little gifts for Daddy in art class. Dad gets a tie or a card and goes back to work the next day.

But we're here to celebrate fathers! Why? Because fatherhood embodies important qualities that we can all learn from - the kinds of qualities we encourage everyone to bring into their adult relationships.

As children we looked to our fathers to nurture, direct and protect us. As adults, we may no longer need Dad's care in order to survive, but most of us still crave the kind of nurturing and direction he once provided. Luckily - with a few simple tips - we can recreate those wonderful traits in our adult relationships.

In honor of Father's Day, we encourage you to incorporate into your relationships those qualities that represent the best of fathers and fatherhood:

• Encouragement: Like the best fathers out there, you too can cheer on your loved ones. Very simply, encouragement is about giving support and hope, expressing approval, and boosting the confidence of others. Telling your loved one that they can do it - whether "it" be working toward a promotion, achieving their educational goals, or simply getting through a tough time - will not only improve their level of confidence, but it will do wonders for your relationship.
• Advice: Who doesn't think of advice when they think of fathers? Yes, it's true that sometimes we just want someone to listen, but there are other times that guidance and suggestions from a wise person is really what we need most. Our advice about giving advice: always ask first if the other person would be open to receiving your feedback and direction! You may be surprised by how often the people in your life really do want some good, solid counsel.
• Action: Ever notice how common it is for fathers to show their love and support through actions rather than through words? There is a great deal of value in expressing your positive feelings for the people in your life through doing for them - this may mean washing your partner's car or filling it up with gas without being asked or preparing a lovely dinner at the end of a long work-day. Sometimes actions really do speak louder than words.
• Reassurance: The truly skilled fathers know how to reassure their children that everything is going to be okay. Never underestimate the power of reassurance - and our need for it even as adults. Reassurance is especially valuable in our intimate relationships because in these we are at our most open and vulnerable and therefore susceptible to being hurt. Make a point to reassure your loved ones that you care about them, love them, and are there for them. Similarly, never, ever hesitate to ask for reassurance from the people in your life!
• Calm, Cool and Collected: Think of how comforting it is to be able to turn to someone who remains clear and focused even in the most challenging or stressful situations. A dramatic, hysterical, or extreme reaction to a stressful event is almost never productive and, in fact, usually makes things worse! Of course this doesn't mean that such a reaction is easily avoidable, BUT it does mean that we certainly have choices about how we respond to traumatic or difficult events in our lives. Like the most esteemed and effective fathers, we too can choose to keep our heads cool and collected even when things are falling apart and we really feel like losing control. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and remind yourself of two fatherly pieces of wisdom: 1. You have a choice about how you react to ANY situation and 2. Your reaction will impact the outcome of the event, so influence a positive outcome by remaining calm and taking a positive, solution-focused approach.
• Unconditional Love: Fatherhood is all about unconditional love. But fathers aren't the only ones who can love unconditionally. It's a goal worth striving for to be able to love without judgment and with a pure acceptance of who another person is. This kind of love has no strings attached; it is not given with the expectation that something in particular will be given in return - i.e. financial support, praise or approval. The best fathers love unselfishly, without any requirement that what they give is returned. What a great gift our unconditional love can be to the people in our lives! Close your eyes, and take a moment to imagine what it would feel like to give and receive unconditional love.

Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there. And to everyone else, celebrate the wonderful traits that fatherhood embodies - they will help all your relationships flourish!

The Talk Works Staff

back to "Tip of the Month" main page