February 2007
Here's to love...
and acting like an 8-year-old!
There really isn’t more of a “bah humbug” holiday in our calendar than Valentine’s Day. All this talk about “It’s only a Hallmark holiday,” “I’m single it’s just too depressing,” and “What’s the point, anyway?”
When did we lose our interest in celebrating love? (Or the hope of love, for you single cynics.) For most of us it was probably in about second grade – right after we gave little Jimmy the beautiful hand made red paper and doily Valentine’s card and he laughed and told his friends we were a “big stupid head!”
Since most of us remember that – way back in the dark ages of our early school days – Valentine’s Day was actually exciting, we decided that our tips on love this month should come from those members of society who are not (or at least not yet) cynical about love, romance and the entire month of February.
Therefore, your relationship tips this month are from. . . 8-year-olds! Yep, we have turned to real quotes from 8-year-old boys and girls in order to remind you that love is still worth celebrating.
- "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." When it comes to relationships, we’re going to teach you another four letter “F” word – FAIR. Although we are often reminded that life is not fair, we rarely hear this about love. But the truth is that successful relationships are not about keeping score. Successful relationships are based on good faith, trust and the understanding that over the course of a lifetime both of you will give and get. So, put away the score card, and try giving without a thought to how or when you will receive.
- "Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings." If only we adults could remember how important it is to care for your loved ones’ feelings even during anger, there would be a lot less conflict in relationships. It is remarkable how quickly a small issue can escalate when we lash out with raised voices or mean words. If you are so angry that you feel out of control or are hoping to hurt your partner with words, then it’s time to take a walk, listen to some relaxing music or talk to a friend. When you are feeling calm and collected (and have gained some perspective on the situation) then – and only then – are you are ready to talk to your loved one.
- "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." So often in relationships we notice all the bad things, but rarely comment on the good. While our partners are all too eager to point out the chores we forgot to do or the bad haircut we got, they somehow seem not to notice when we do pick up our clothes or take the extra time to get all dressed up. Praise and compliments are an important part of healthy, long lasting relationships – they are not just for the beginning stages of your relationship when you are trying your hardest to win this person over! They are also the best way to encourage those desirable behaviors and actions from your loved one. By appreciating the small efforts made, you are practically inviting your partner to continue doing these things on a regular basis!
- "Love is if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That means you're in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be okay." Talking alone may not always be the key to creating a feeling of closeness. In fact, some people (particularly of the male persuasion) actually need nonverbal communication such as eye contact and physical touch, to feel connected. Nonverbal communication such as holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes, spending quality time together, creates greater openness and connection, making your verbal communication even more productive. Physical affection is also a great way to reignite intimacy and passion, which is especially important in long term relationships and relationships that have had to take the back burner to raising children, demanding jobs, and other obligations outside the relationship.
- "You can break love, but it won't die." An insightful 8-year old! Over time it is easy to damage love with frequent, seemingly small acts such as criticism, blaming and finger-pointing, or taking your partner for granted. It’s not always the big things that break love and end a relationship, but instead the little things that can slowly chip away at us. We encourage you – for the month of February and all the months to follow! – to choose ways to strengthen and nurture the love in your relationship so that it won’t break: give for the sake of giving, hold your tongue when you are angry and irritable, praise and compliment rather than criticize, and reach out physically. . . and maybe even celebrate Valentine’s Day together!
And so, from the mouth of babes . . . we learn why love is truly worth celebrating.
Happy Valentine’s Day from all of us at Talk Works!
With Best Wishes,
The Talk Works Staff
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