February 2006

Happy Birthday Mr. President!
The "George Washington" Communication Tip

The month of February celebrates not only President’s Day (on the 20th), but George Washington’s birthday (on the 22nd). George Washington, standing on the balcony of Federal Hall on Wall Street in New York, took his oath of office as the first President of the United States back in 1789. His conduct as a leader and as a man made him a symbol of American virtue.

While George Washington took action where action was needed, he was also a president who understood that individual and relationship success is often gained by NOT taking action immediately. When the French Revolution led to a major war between France and England, Washington refused to accept the recommendations of either his Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson, who was pro-French, or his Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton, who was pro-British. Rather, he insisted upon a neutral course until the United States was stronger.

Ever feel like the French Revolution is about to erupt in your house? Maybe it’s time to follow Washington’s lead. While communication is important, knowing when NOT to communicate can be the difference between love and war.

It’s time to get rid of the old adage that “happy couples never go to sleep angry” and learn some new “non-communication” tools:

Do NOT communicate when:
• You feel hot with anger
• Your thoughts about the issue and your partner are highly negative
• You are tired, worn-out or cranky
• You are rushed or unable to focus your attention on the issue at hand
• You are feeling mean, vindictive or want to emotionally hurt your partner
• You are aware that any of the above may apply to your partner

You are ready to communicate when:
• You feel calm and rational about the issue for discussion
• You have given some thought to your own feelings and to the feelings of your partner as it relates to the issue
• You are balanced enough to have put the issue into perspective (at least a little bit)
• You are rested and comfortable
• You have time to devote to the discussion without distractions
• You are in touch with positive feelings about your partner, even if there is still anger about the specific issue

Remember – when the danger signs are there, NOT communicating will be your most successful communication tool! With these few simple tips you will be as well regarded in your home as George Washington was by the nation.

With Best Wishes,
The Talk Works Staff

back to "Tip of the Month" main page