January 2005

Laughing All The Way
To The Strongest Relationships

Recently we were asked a very interesting question about our conflict resolution work. The question was, "Whether you're helping a romantic couple or individuals at a company, is there one defining moment when you know that there has been a shift in the conflict?" Our unanimous response - "When there's laughter in the room."

Belief in the idea that laughter has the power to "bond" individuals is not new. Philosopher John Morreall wrote that the first human laughter may have begun as a gesture of shared relief at the passing of danger. And he also believed that laughter indicated trust in one's companions. "Laughter occurs when people are comfortable with one another, when they feel open and free. And the more laughter [there is], the more bonding [occurs]," says cultural anthropologist Mahadev Apte.

Humor also has profound benefits in the workplace: improved team building, communication skills, morale and job satisfaction, productivity, creativity and problem-solving, and resiliency in the face of workplace challenges and stressors to name a few.

So. . . if you find yourself in a situation at work or at home that feels hopelessly frustrating or infuriating - put your sense of humor to work! Laughter will turn combat into comedy and will introduce joy, hope, and a sense of connecting. Whether it's a little giggle or a loud guffaw, laughter illustrates that you are choosing to let go of pain, conflict, negativity (yes, you have a choice in every relationship, in every situation!), and in doing so you invite others to do the same.

If you often hear yourself thinking "This is no laughing matter," then here are three questions to ask yourself when the next work or personal relationship conflict arises:

1. Is my anger helping resolve the situation right now or is it making things worse?
2. Can I find the humor in this situation? Especially in my own behavior or perspective?
3. What would happen if I smiled or laughed now? Would it change how I'm feeling? Would it change how the other person is feeling?

Or, if you're having trouble cracking that "serious" mold, here are some other facts to help you embrace your sense of humor:

• Researchers estimate that laughing 100 times is equal to 10 minutes on the rowing machine or 15 minutes on an exercise bike.
• Research has also revealed that laughter brings balance to all the components of the immune system, which helps us fight off diseases.
• Laughter reduces levels of certain stress hormones. In doing this, laughter provides a safety valve that shuts off the flow of stress hormones and the fight-or-flight compounds that swing into action in our bodies when we experience stress, anger or hostility. (These are the same stress hormones that suppress the immune system, raise blood pressure and increase the number of blood platelets which can cause obstructions in arteries.)
• Laughter also increases the concentration of salivary immunoglobulin A, which defends against infectious organisms entering through the respiratory tract.

We are all - every one of us - silly in the ways that we complicate our relationships. If we can enjoy (even embrace) our own ridiculous behaviors as well as those of others we can watch situations become "unstuck" faster and with less harm to everyone concerned.

We challenge you to find ways to laugh in all your relationships throughout 2005!

The Talk Works Staff

back to "Tip of the Month" main page