5 Toxic Love Thoughts to Unload Now
Even when things are good, there's still that annoying inner voice that questions your dude's devotion. Here's how to shut it up.
By Jessie Knadler

Your guy totally adores you. The signs are all there: He's finally overcome his allergy to PDAs, he calls on the regular just to check iin, and hell, maybe he even keeps a toothbrush at your place. But although the relationship seems rock solid on paper, there's still a part of you—albeit a small one—that feels, well, nervous. Like the connection might combust at any moment. Yeah, it's irrational, but we've all been there. "Sometimes a relationship can be so strong that we're petrified of screwing it up, or it's so good that we think he can't handle it if it continues," explains Holly Pedersen, PhD, president of Talk Works, a company in Los Angeles that teaches couples how to communicate more effectively. "But constant doubt creates distrust, which erodes your bond, meaning your fears might become a self-fulfilling prophecy." So before you let your insecurities mess with your relationship, not to mention push your beau to the brink, read this wake-up call, courtesy of Cosmo.

His eye wanders sometimes – I bet he’s looking for a girlfriend upgrade…A hot chick walks by, and your boyfriends eyeballs make a beeline for her booty. Blame it on biology. Men are hardwired to look. And it's not just your guy who goes buggy over some random beauty, it's all guys, so your only real choice is to accept it. But ease your mind with this: Just because he looks, it doesn't mean he wants to touch. "There's an element of detachment when a man is checking out an anonymous woman," says clinical psychologist Deirdre Kanakis, PhD, relationship coach at Marriage For Keeps, in Newport Beach, California, "He sees a nice butt, but that's all it is, an appealing body part. He's not trying to make an emotional connection—it's purely a visual response."

My last relationship bombed. So this one probably will too.

You've had a few gnarly breakups. Who hasn't? But being convinced that you're destined for a subsequent split is really the only thing sealing your fate. You have to shake off the psychological curse by owning some of the blame.

"Recognize that whenever there's a series of failed relationships, the only thing that's consistent is you, so you ought to make a few changes," advises psychologist Judith Sherven, PhD, coauthor of Be Loved for Who You Really Are. Sounds harsh, but taking responsibility for the unraveling puts you in control, which is downright empowering.

So start silting through the romantic wreckage. "Take stock of why past relationships ended, and assess the role you played in the demise," suggests Pedersen. “Then acknowledge any patterns.”
That's what Tara, 29, did. "My last three boyfriends were good guys, but things routinely went downhill after two years," she explains. "It wasn't until I reexamined the splits that I saw the problem. I'm not into the marriage and kids thing. As soon as that became a looming possibility, I unconsciously drove them away. Now I'm with someone who wants the same things I do."
Am I really any good in the sack?

IF your relationship has a steady diet of fooling around, your man is carnally content. Not convinced? There are a few clues that he loves your sack skills. Maybe he's always trying to put the moves on you—like when you wake up, before you get in the shower, in the car, at your parents' house.... Just try to keep track of how many time a day he makes sexual advances, which he wouldn't do if he thought you were a lame lay.

If you still need more proof, use his creativity level as a gauge. "When your partner is interested in experimenting with new things in bed, it likely signals he thinks you are ready to take your love-making to the next level," says Sherven.I'm just not the perfect girlfriend that he wants.

You know who's kinda perfect? That Bree Van De Kamp chick on Desperate Housewives with the preprison Martha Stewart vibe. Her guy loves her gourmet meals, flawless hair flip, and pathological dedication to keeping up appearances so much that he filed for divorce. The truth is, "perfectionism is intimidating because it makes men feel as if they'll never be good enough for you," says Pedersen.
Of course, there's no denying the pressure to be flawless. Thankfully, your guy’s perception of perfection is probably much different than yours. Ask Ted, 29: "All I want to do is lie in bed one weekend with my girl," he says, "but she's too obsessed with hitting the gym, running errands, and cleaning the house to bum around. I'd love to burn her 10-page to-do list and force her to eat cold pizza with me in a pair of ratty sweats on a Saturday morning."

Moral of the story: Most guys (Donald Trump excluded) don't want to feel as if they're sleeping with a show pony, so stop feeling angst over the impossible,
He practically never says he loves me. Does he?

Maybe your guy dropped an L bomb about three months ago in some ridiculously romantic moment and hasn't said it since. Or maybe you've been dating for what feels like forever, and he's yet to spit one out. Whatever the case, you can't help but wonder what gives. Here's the thing: Men have a very different sense of time than women. In Relationship Land, one week for a woman is the equivalent of three: months for a guy, which is why he can fall hard and still have no clue that, um, now would be an apropos moment to utter those three little words. And once he does finally spill, g-luck getting an encore. "Because expressing emotion typically doesn't come easily for a man, saying ‘I love you' even just once a month can seem like a lot," says Pedersen. Okay, but that doesn't negate the fact that you still need feedback. So try setting the stage by suggesting that you go out for a romantic (hint, hint) dinner together. The atmosphere, intimacy, and going gaga over each other could be the nudge he needs.